The Basics: How to Choose the Best Gender-Affirming Sex Toys for Your Needs
Welcome to THE BASICS series on the Bedroom Besties Love Letters blog. THE BASICS is where Bedroom Besties explains everything you need to know about queer sex toys for LGBTQ+ folks! This is part one in the series: How To Choose The Best Gender-Affirming Sex Toy For Your Needs!
We’re all unique sexy snowflakes just looking for the best ways to get off! Choosing the right gender-affirming sex toy can be a personal and empowering experience. Our bodies and sexuality fluctuate throughout our life, whether it be through hormones or HRT, aging, ability, changes in sexual orientation or simply realizing what once rocked our socks no longer does, Whether you're exploring new types of pleasure, looking for something dysphoria-friendly, or simply want a toy that turns you on, there are a few factors to think about. Here’s how to find a sex toy that’s perfect for both your body and identity!
First We Gotta Understand Our Body’s Unique Needs
I don’t need to explain just how different everyone’s body is. Just click through this website full of hotties and you’ll see just how diverse the LGBTQ community is! When selecting a toy, it’s essential to consider what feels good for your unique anatomy and how your gender identity influences your pleasure preferences.
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For Trans Masc, Trans Men or Nonbinary/Gender Nonconforming Folks: You may want to prioritize toys that accommodate bottom growth. This includes vibrators designed to cup sensitive areas, air-suction toys with a larger opening or strapless strap-ons that allow for hands-free penetration.
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For Trans Femme, Trans Women or Nonbinary/Gender Nonconforming Folks: Look for toys designed with soft, flexible shapes that won’t create discomfort during play. External vibrators such as wands can be great options as they can feel great on the shaft as well as the perineum. Sex Toys that don’t require an erection can be a great option as hormones occasionally affect the body’s ability to stay hard.
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For Those with Dysphoria: I
f you're looking for a toy that doesn’t reinforce traditional anatomy or create discomfort, explore gender-neutral designs such as non-realistic dildos or abstract-shaped vibrators that focus solely on pleasure without anatomical expectations. Sex toy companies such as Cute Little Fuckers that are trans owned are great companies for queer people to explore. For trans masc folks, there's representational dildos that can cause gender euphoric feelings.
Material Matters: Choosing Body-Safe Options
For your health and comfort, it’s important to choose toys made from non-toxic, body-safe materials. Look for products made from:
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Medical-Grade Silicone: Soft, hypoallergenic, and non-porous, silicone toys are ideal for insertion and sensitive skin.
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Glass: Firm and easy to clean, glass toys pair well with any lube and can slide in a body easily.
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TPE/TPR: A more affordable, body-safe option, though not as durable as silicone. We recommend TPE/TPR for packers or strokers but not insertable toys.
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Stainless Steel: Steel toys are weighty and sleek, simple to clean and are great for P-Spot and G-Spot pleasure.
If you're not sure what material is best, be sure to check product descriptions for phrases like "body-safe, non-porous" or "hypoallergenic" to ensure your toy is free of chemicals like phthalates. Bedroom Besties is careful about what we put into our store and we can assure you that the products we carry are safe for your body.
Pinpoint Your Pleasure Preferences
Are you interested in exploring different ways to masturbate solo? Or a vibrator to bring in with a partner? Are you looking for something that can assist with gender dysphoria? Different toys and tools serve different purposes, so think about what type of pleasure you're looking for.
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Vibrators: If you’re seeking external stimulation, vibrators are an essential tool. For trans women and trans feminine folks, a vibrator that can cup around a penis such as This or This could be a lot of fun. Wand vibrators work great for any gender identity. For folks with a clit, air pressure toys are quite powerful. If you’re seeking penetrative vibrators, one’s such as this can be used both anally and vaginally.
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Dildos: If you want a non-realistic dildo, check out these fantasy dildos for fun shapes, colors and even glittery designs. If you’re seeking gender-affirming dildos that suit your body and preferences, representational silicone dildos can be worn during strap on sex or worn out and about for a pack and play experience.
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Packers: For those seeking gender-affirming packing toys, consider the shape, weight and design when choosing one out. Do you want your packer to be circumcised or uncircumcised? Silicone packers are easy to clean but weigh more while TPE/TPR materials are lighter and squishier. Don't forget packing underwear to wear packers with ease. Stand-to-pee or STPs are another gender euphoric option.
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Strapless Strap-Ons: These are fantastic for nonbinary and trans masc folks who want to engage in penetrative play for hands-free fun. While these toys can be worn without a harness, we recommend pairing them with an underwear style harness as it’ll ensure the toy stays in place during sex.
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Strokers: Strokers come in many shapes for many different genders! Trans Masc Strokers have smaller openings and usually a closed design to help ensure a suction. Trans Femme Strokers can be more traditional style strokers or can be created in either fantasy or more representational shapes.
- Pumps: Pumps temporarily engorge your body to make t-dicks or clits larger. This can feel great for those with bottom growth. There's also penis pumps and nipple pumps as well. To read a more about pumps, check out The Best Pumps For Penises, Pussies and T-Dicks.
Know Your Budget & Support Queer Companies
You don’t need to be rich to have a sexy night in! At Bedroom Besties, we try to ensure a wide range of products to ensure everyone can afford a good time. Many vibrators are under $40 and can be great starting toys and we even have budget-conscious strap on harnesses, dildos and lube. These toys may not be your forever toys! While high-quality, body-safe toys can be pricier, they are a worthwhile investment. Some queer-owned and operated companies that we carry include Cute Little Fuckers, SpareParts, Banana Pants and Oxballs.
Now the fun part: getting off!
Finding the perfect sex toy can take time, perhaps it’s even a journey that never ends. Starting with some reading may help you identify your pleasure needs. Trying different sex toys alone or with partners is incredibly rewarding. Even if you try something you don’t like, it gets you closer to being able to figure out what you do enjoy!